I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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