i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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