I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize