I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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