Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
