Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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