It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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