Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
