My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
