I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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