Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
