Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
