You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
