i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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