Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
