So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize