dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You made out with two different species that night
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
