How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
