tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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