also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
