Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
