he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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