And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
