Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
