before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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