I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
God, I missed his penis.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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