why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
