That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I could make wine with my vomit
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
