Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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