I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
