I saw his package. It spoke to me.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
