I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
it glows. i had to have it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
