I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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