Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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