I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize