my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
