God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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