she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize