The brown eye won't let me do that either.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
