how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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