What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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