I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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