I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
