I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
