I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
