I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize