Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
