Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
