it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
