We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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