we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize