Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
