So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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