dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We are all done wearing pants today
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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