I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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