Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
