just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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