I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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