how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
