how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
