I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
