somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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