Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
