Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
