Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
