i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
