I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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