I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
