Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
