Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
