I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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