dude i'm inner monologue high
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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