I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
