exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
